What has the band been up to since the last interview three years ago and how
do you think the music scene has changed in that time?
The music scene will never change. Same
shit, different labels.With the band, Clyde has sold out and is busy producing
Right Said Fred – honestly (the poor bastards - we’ve heard his work and
he couldn’t produce shite after a dose of salts and a gallon of vindaloo.)
Plus, tragically, we’ve had to sack Rockin’ Kev for joining Saxon. That’s
true too! Just because it’s his livelihood, the Derby-supporting soap-dodging
bastard blew out Blackpool, so he’s out.
Which bands do you plan to catch when you
are at Holidays In the Sun, and are there any you will be avoiding with a
barge pole?
Cock Sparrer, cos they’re the second greatest
band in the world, plus The Business and Special Duties (but only because
they’ll be too pissed to play at midnight.) We’re all fans of Test Tube Babies
and the Templars too. We’ll also be staging an ugliness contest between Mensi,
Steve LeMacq and Si Spanner’s wart-encrusted scrotum (which is 20-1 outsider).
What is the best gig the Gonads have ever done and who
else was on the line-up?
It was 1982 at the Barrier Arms public
house, Charlton, in front of 300 Gonads home fans all the way from the East
Stand. We were sharing the bill with the Blood, Frankie ‘boy’ Flame, Judge
Dread and Garry Johnson. Not since Gus Ellen’s death has cockney culture
been celebrated so richly.
Is there any band you would feel particularly
honoured if they covered a Gonads song? If so, who?
What about that nice Will boy from Pop Idol? We’d like
to see him and Charlotte Church team up and do a slushy full-string orchestrated
lite-operatic version of that delicate love song Anal Intruder….Seriously,
Alconaut has got Ozzy Osbourne written all the way through it in bat’s blood
and syphilitic piss. But if Green Day, Blink 182, the Macc Lads, Maiden and
all the other also-rans got on their knees and begged our permission (and
offered enough cash and crumpet inducements) then we’d give ’em the go-ahead.
We’re always ready to help those unfortunate individuals less gifted than
ourselves.
What is your favourite compilation album the Gonads have
appeared on?
Carry on oi! no contest.
What is the best sentence you have ever heard, that someone
has managed to get into a song's lyrics?
Apart from the life sentence on Ian Brady, the obvious
answer is Nutter – cos the lyrics are all based on real dialogue from South
London chaps. But watch out for new song, Web Mistress Please, with its quotes
from a certain R. Pollard. They may be imagined but they’re the best
sentence we’ve heard for years.
Tell the readers five facts about the band / band members
they will not know.
5) The Gonads road crew once kicked the shit out of the
Chelsea Headhunters (or was it the Chelsea pensioners?).
4) Even ugly girls have a chance with us.
3) We all agree that the original Darren on Bewitched was the best
2) Played backwards, Clyde’s end vocals on Unky Bunk actually say “Thank god
Gal is so good-looking and talented.”
1) We mean it mannn (but only after closing time on Saturday night).
Plans, gigs and releases planned for 2002.
We’ve got enough new songs for a new CD and once Clyde
has finished f***ing about with the Freds we will record them and play some
gigs. Honest. We’ve recruited mad Lizzy on keyboards and we’re looking for
female backing vocalists too.
Any final comments?
You cynics all LAUGHED when we said we’d be playing Blackpool.
But wait till you see us. You won’t be laughing then….
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